Ode to Friendship

"When old friends get together, everything else fades to insignificance."
The beauty of this old saying was seen in its rainbow colours at our first official get together of KV Malappuram students of 93-95 batch on 26th Dec.2010. This was our first get together after school - after 15 years.

This time on my annual vacation to India, thanks to social networking sites like Facebook & Orkut, I had got some contact details of my old friends from school. The first person I called was Kuriakose Menon, as I lovingly call :) - Vinod, and got a warm welcome from him and wasn’t I surprised when he called me up 2 days later and said that he is in my hometown and wanted to meet me…He came over home and we caught up on old times..underneath the old bubbly, nonsensical friend I was expecting , saw a warm, mature but of course fun loving pal with whom I could connect to without any barriers. He updated me on the details of a lot of our friends since he was in touch with them and gave me all their contact details. He mentioned that a few of them (only the guys gang) meet up quite often over a cuppa coffee (coffee like coloured drink) and keep themselves updated. He left with a suggestion that why don’t we organize some get together with all our friends and since I was jobless and practically doing nothing at home, why don’t I call up a few to check with our old pals ?

Next process of ringing up old friends was an enjoyable task. Initially I was a bit apprehensive as to how many would be interested to actually make time for this but to my surprise, I got a brilliant response – Jasmine & Sreeja topped the list with their enthusiasm, they were ready for anything anytime, from the guys gang Vijesh, Praveen MC & Vinod had already started off with the calls and invitations from their side since they had been planning the same for a long time. Everybody started calling and inviting each other- Kavitha, Sajitha MP,Sumayya,Hani,Babu, Saleel , Deepu, Jolly,Waheeda,Dinesh, Satish, Niju,Santosh,Sachin, Jayaram, Praveen Prakash, Vasanth, Pappiya, Hanas, Devaraj,Bhoopesh, Roopesh,Dinesh, Sajith Kumar , infact everyone we contacted gave us an overwhelming and delightful response. Everybody sincerely wanted it to happen and tried their best to be there….

We did not call this a reunion meet since this was our first get together and further treated this more like a curtain raiser to the many more annual organized reunions we would have in future. Hence for the same reason spouses, kids, family, teachers were not invited, which of course brought about a lot of murmur from our better halves whose egos were shattered at this exclusion.

The small conference room was just perfect for our little crowd. On the D-Day, we had a get together with 19 of our classmates – Vijesh, Vinod, MC,Devarajan,Santosh,Sajith,Hanas, Babu,Niju, SajithaMP,Sreeja, Jasmine, Kavitha, Hani, Sumayya,Roopesh MK,Dinesh, Sanal & yours truly.

The school prayer song and the welcome speech brought out the old warmth and belongingness in us. We didn’t need any ice breakers for this get together-- there was absolutely no formalities or inhibitions. The welcome speech by Vinod was quite enjoyable and brought many a laugh in all of us followed by the intro speech by all just to catch up with all as to what had happened in our lives in these 15 years.

Yes, a long 15 years had passed since many of us had last seen each other.... we had all moved ahead in life from those school days, we had changed in our looks and outlook to life, but one binding factor that still ran through us was the friendship that we still shared …. Yes, the connection was instant….we got along like a house on fire – old jokes, new stories, teacher tales etc… We make friendships in school , college, at work place etc etc, but many a time most uncorrupted or innocent friendships are made during school days because these are built based on the true essence of friendships unlike the latter friendships we make considering selfish interests, status symbols, career demands etc. School friendships and friends have always been simple and lighten the heart …

After a sumptuous lunch buffet, we settled down for some games like Passing the parcel and Bingo and it was just like in old school days… for some time, I am sure all of us were transported years back to our carefree school days without worries or work pressure or family demands etc..

How true when they say “Old friends are like fine wine, they only improve with age…” – we had all matured gracefully over the years, become responsible individuals but had maintained our spirit of friendship and fun in life.

It was unanimously decided that we would make it a point to meet every year henceforth – with/without families /teachers was left for later discussion since many of us couldn’t come to a consensus on that ;) And as responsible human beings we decided that our meeting would support a meaningful cause each year – be it donations to charitable institutions, providing health care to the needy –etc etc, we will soon set up a small account on the same and do our bit for the society that we are a part of – that made us what we are today!!

We parted with rekindled spirit of friendship and joy, lightened hearts and beautiful memories to cherish till the next time. Thanks to each one of you who made an effort to be there and to those who couldn’t make it but made their presence felt through calls, mails, and facebook updates etc.

It brings me great joy to see the facebook group so active and my mail box flooded with comments and counter comments. Hope to see us all active in this friendship now and forever!!

I take leave with this note “"Friends are the most important ingredient in this recipe of life. The better part of one's life consists of his friendships. "

Adieu…

LIVE YOUR LIFE, DON'T EXIST !!!

Well, I’m back… been some time now away from the blogger…. just get caught up in the rat race of the materialistic world……..reminds me of an old poem by W. H. Davies

WHAT is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare?
No time to stand beneath the boughs,

And stare as long as sheep and cows:
No time to see, when woods we pass,

Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:
No time to see, in broad daylight,

Streams full of stars, like skies at night:
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,

And watch her feet, how they can dance:
No time to wait till her mouth can

Enrich that smile her eyes began?
A poor life this if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

Wow…though this was written somewhere in the 1890s, isn’t this so apt for the current world? Caught up in this rat- race today, which we term as LIFE, I often feel that we have lost the beauty in our lives. We are all so busy making a living that we forget to live – kind of ironical, isn’t it?
We are so caught up in our professional lives, struggling to compete, fearing a single minute rest lest someone overtakes you, rising costs, inflation, recession, soaring prices, increasing credit cards, loans etc—a whole range of illnesses afflicted to the modern society alone . Sometimes I wonder, is this what Pandora’s Box contained?? The struggle to make a living often makes us lose the basic essence of it--- LIVING…. Living is different from existing--- anybody, anything can exist…. But to Live, is an experience, a commitment to yourself and others, an investment which will never backfire, a profession where you will soar heights, a relationship which needs to be nurtured and many many more…. I could go on and on…
Yes, you will tell me, I need to fend for my family, I need to earn money, I need to think of my children’s education, post retirement plans etc etc.
That's fine, and comfortable, until you have gone through another year without having done anything, without having really lived life.That's fine, until you have reached old age and look back on life with regrets.That's fine, until you see your kids go off to college and realize that you missed their childhoods.

It's not fine. If you want to truly live life, to really experience it, to enjoy it to the fullest, instead of barely scraping by and only living a life of existence, then you need to find ways to break free from the mold and drink from life.
I have picked a list of few ideas, mine and a few plagiarized as well, ones that you would now by yourself, but did not get the time to write down and practice.

1. Love. Perhaps the most important. Fall in love, if you aren't already. If you have, fall in love with your partner all over again. Love family members, friends, anyone -- it doesn't have to be romantic love. Love all of humanity, one person at a time. Expect the worst, rather don’t expect anything at all :).
2. Get outside. Don’t remain indoors; don’t be captured within the 4 walls of your room. Go out when it's raining. Walk on the beach. Hike through the woods. Swim in a freezing lake. Bask in the sun. Play sports, or walk barefoot through grass. Pay close attention to nature.
3. Savor food. One of my favourites :) Don't just eat your food, but really enjoy it. Savor every bite. Good food is a luxury :) And when you do have them, really, really savor them. Slowly.
4. Create a morning ritual. Wake early and greet the day. Watch the sun rise. Out loud, tell yourself that you will not waste this day, which is a gift. You will be compassionate to your fellow human beings, and live every moment to its fullest. Stretch or meditate or exercise as part of your ritual. Enjoy some coffee.
5. Take chances. We often live our lives too cautiously, worried about what might go wrong. Be bold, risk it all. Quit your job and go to business for yourself (plan it out first!), or go up to that girl you've liked for a long time and ask her out. What do you have to lose?
6. Follow excitement. Try to find the things in life that excite you, and then go after them. Make life one exciting adventure after another (with perhaps some quiet times in between).
7. Find your passion. Similar to the above tip, this one asks you to find your calling. Make your living by doing the thing you love to do. First, think about what you really love to do. There may be many things. Find out how you can make a living doing it. It may be difficult, but you only live once.
8. Get out of your cubicle. Do you sit all day in front of computer, shuffling papers and taking phone calls and chatting on the Internet? Don't waste your days like this. Break free from the cubicle environment, this may require a change of jobs, or becoming a freelancer. It's worth it.
9. Turn off the TV. How many hours will we waste away in front of the idiot box? How many hours do we have to live? Unplug the TV. Only plug it back in when you have a DVD of a movie you love. Otherwise, keep it off and find other stuff to do.
10. Travel. Sure, you want to travel some day. When you have vacation time, or when you're older. Well, what are you waiting for? Find a way to take a trip, if not this month, then sometime soon.
11. Rediscover what's important. Take an hour and make a list of everything that's important to you. Add to it everything that you want to do in life. Now cut that list down to 4-5 things. Just the most important things in your life. This is your core list. This is what matters. Focus your life on these things. Make time for them.
12. Eliminate everything else. What's going on in your life that's not on that short list? All that stuff is wasting your time, pulling your attention from what's important. As much as possible, simplify your life by eliminating the stuff that's not on your short list, or minimizing it.
13. Exercise. Get off the couch and go for a walk. Eventually try running. Or do some pushups and crunches. Or swim or bike or row. Or go for a hike. Whatever you do, get active, and you'll love it. And life will be more alive.
14. Be positive. Learn to recognize the negative thoughts you have. These are the self-doubts, the criticisms of others, the complaints, the reasons you can't do something. Then stop yourself when you have these thoughts, and replace them with positive thoughts. Solutions. You can do this!
15. Open your heart. Is your heart a closed bundle of scar tissue? Learn to open it, have it ready to receive love, to give love unconditionally. And practice makes perfect.
16. Face your fears. What are you most afraid of? What is holding you back? Whatever it is, recognize it, and face it. Do what you are most afraid of. Afraid of heights? Go to the tallest building, and look down over the edge. Only by facing our fears can we be free of them.
17. When you suffer, suffer. Life isn't all about fun and games. Suffering is an inevitable part of life. We lose our jobs. We lose our lovers. We lose our pets. We get physically injured or sick. A loved one becomes sick. A parent dies. Learn to feel the pain intensely, and really grieve. This is a part of life -- really feel the pain. And when you're done, move on, and find joy.
18. Slow down. Life moves along at such a rapid pace these days. It's not healthy, and it's not conducive to living. Practice doing everything slowly -- everything, from eating to walking to driving to working to reading. Enjoy what you do. Learn to move at a snail's pace.
19. Touch humanity. Get out of your house and meet people – may be the less privileged. Meet them, talk to them, and understand them. Live among them. Be one of them. Give up your materialistic lifestyle.
20. Volunteer. Volunteer to help. Learn compassion, and learn to help ease the suffering of others. Help the sick, those with disabilities, those who are dying.
21. Play with children. Children, more than anyone else, know how to live. They experience everything in the moment, fully. When they get hurt, they really cry. When they play, they really have fun. Learn from them, instead of thinking you know so much more than them. Play with them, and learn to be joyful like them.
22. Talk to old people. There is no one wiser, more experienced, more learned, than those who have lived through life. They can tell you amazing stories. They are the wisdom of our society -- take advantage of their existence while they're still around.
23. Learn new skills. Constantly improve yourself instead of standing still -- not because you're so imperfect now, but because it is gratifying and satisfying. You should accept yourself as you are, and learn to love who you are, but still try to improve -- if only because the process of improvement is life itself.
24. Find spirituality. For some, this means finding God or Jesus or Allah or Buddha.. For still others, this just means an inner energy. Whatever spirituality means for you, rediscover it, and its power.
25. Take mini-retirements. Don't leave the joy of retirement until you are too old to enjoy it. Do it now, while you're young. It makes working that much more worth it. Find ways to take a year off every few years. Live simply, but live, without having to work. Enjoy life, then go back to work and save up enough money to do it again in a couple of years.
26. Do nothing. There is value in doing nothing as well. Not doing nothing as in reading, or taking a nap, or watching TV, or meditating. Doing nothing as in sitting there, doing nothing. Just learning to be still, in silence, to hear our inner voice, to be in tune with life. Do this daily if possible.
27. Watch sunsets, daily. One of the most beautiful times of day. Make it a daily ritual to find a good spot to watch the sunset, perhaps having a light dinner while you do so.
28. Stop reading magazines. They're basically crap. And they waste your time and money. Cancel your subscriptions and walk past them at the news stands. If you have to read something, read something light, something that interests you.
29. Break out from ruts. Do you do things the same way every day? Change it up. Try something new. Take a different route to work. Start your day out differently. Approach work from a new angle. Look at things from new perspectives.
30. Stop watching the news. It's depressing and useless. If you're news junky, this may be difficult. I haven't watch TV news or read a newspaper regularly in about two years. It hasn't hurt me a bit. J
31. Laugh till you cry. Laughing is one of the best ways to live. Tell jokes and laugh your head off. Watch an awesome comedy. Learn to laugh at anything. Roll on the ground laughing. You'll love it.
32. Lose control. Not only control over yourself, but control over others. It's a bad habit to try to control others -- it will only lead to stress and unhappiness for yourself and those you try to control. Let others live, and live for yourself..
33. Cry. Men, especially, tend to hold in tears, but crying is an amazing release. Cry at sad movies. Cry at a funeral. Cry when you are hurt, or when somebody you love is hurt. It releases these emotions and allows us to cleanse ourselves.
34. Be in the moment. Instead of thinking about things you need to do, or things that have happened to you, or worrying or planning or regretting, think about what you are doing, right now. What is around you? What smells and sounds and sights and feelings are you experiencing? Learn to do this as much as possible through meditation, but also through bringing your focus back to the present as much as you can in everything you do.
35. Appreciate people Be it your friends, family and even strangers – a bit of due appreciation makes a wonderful difference to their lives.

A big list – food for thought… this is what I know I have to do…. I have started on my list and hope to complete most of these with practice…….. if you have additional points , do share them with me :)

Happy birthday , My friend !!

Yet another weekend…. a welcome relief :)
The week had been hectic as well as one that brought about a lot of tension and uncertainty at office. The week started off by a visiting delegate from our principal company dropping in to do a market –visit. I have made so many excel sheets and analysis reports that I could see only excels sheets and formulas in my sleep.

As in every Friday morning, the body alarm clock woke me up around 7.30am in spite of going to bed at 3.30am .Had gone to watch “3 Idiots” –TAKE 2 last night :) and came home late.

Made the customary calls to Amma and relatives. As usual, engaged myself in the cleaning of my bachelor den which I lavishly do only on weekends. Morning is always occupied in the above and then the normal facebook updates, a few customary mails, birthday wishes to be sent out etc That reminds me that I still have a Bday call to make to a friend of mine from school. Thanks to social networking sites, we got in touch after nearly 9 yrs thru Facebook .

Friendships have always been a passion to me and my friends a blessing in my life. Very few friends I have in this world – but each of them unique and indispensable in their own ways. Each of them has touched my life in a distinctive manner etching their marks on my individuality, leaving me as a better person than before meeting them :) .
Yes, we don’t keep touch on a daily basis, we are scattered around the world but then they live within me …. :)

I met Priyanka in Sept 1993 – ISK Salmiya- 11th std. Commerce batch. We were classmates and she used to sit in the bench just in front of me. I was never an outgoing person or a noticeable person who kinda stands out in the class for doing something exceptional. Was always content being in a corner of the classroom and dutifully learning the academics….we never fell in each other’s league at all…. I used to admire her sense of friendship with another of my classmate—they were always together J inseparable, more like Siamese twins :) -- Olga was a sweet person as well. They were so different but used to complement each other so beautifully.
I was always a loner and deep down me always yearned for a good friendship--- me as a person had a lot of issues at that time and it kept me drawing into myself even more. Wished for someone to share things or someone who would talk to me—but I would never take the first step :) . most of the friends I have today are the ones who took the first step :) (yup, they must be repenting now for that – ha ha ha)

So also did Priyanka – somewhere along the classes, she would turn back to talk and smile .She had a zest for life and I used to admire that in her. The first thing I remember about Priyanka is her smile, how she would turn back to chit chat between classes and get into trouble. Priyanka looked very different from the other girls in class – kinda rugged J ( I hope she doesn’t see this ). She used to wear big rimmed glasses, braces for the teeth, you would always see her in a long sleeve school shirt( even in summers), her tie would always be halfway down the neck, wear a sweater that would fit two of her and had a wonderful step cut short hair that was always falling to her eyes. She was unlike other girls who cared for their looks or how they dressed and but definitely she was good looking as well, in fact more than the others :)
She was interested in philosophy, psychology, palmistry, literature, cricket and of course economics. She was the Economics teacher’s favorite… I could never understand why the GDP, marginal diminishing utility and elasticity were so fascinating for her :) coz that drew a yawn from me in every class. And sitting right behind the economics expert made me quite visible to the teacher as well since she was always in the limelight for the Economics class.

In those days, in school, it’s so amazing how small things make a big difference to people. Once Priyanka had to go for an emergency l for 10 days or so, coz her grandma was not keeping well. Olga ( Priyanka’s best Siamese friend) was all lonely and down etc (looking back, makes us feel so kiddish and silly rite ?) These gals would talk for hours after school as well- Thank God, local calls were free - I always used to wonder how much can people talk and tat also someone we meet daily in school) . I was never a telephone lover – the only time I call up classmates were to either check about some homework or discuss something academically ( gosh how boring could I be ?:)) Looking at Olga’s loneliness, I took it upon myself to play a replacement for 10 days- I would call her and speak to her and honestly I found it quite enjoyable as well. Surprisingly Amma was happy since she could see I was taking the effort for a friendship (much unlike me in those days). And I’m a stickler for my words J, the day Priyanka came back to school, that evening I did not call up Olga J ( after all Priyanka was back – I was so adjusting in those day ;) apostles would have been ashamed of my benevolence). That evening I get 2 calls – one from Olga nearly after an hour of the normal time I call up- yelling at me where the hell I was :) and soon after that from Priyanka asking me how come you did not make your customary calls and from today onwards add me to the list as well…

We shared a beautiful friendship- they taught me how to talk, reach out to people, and listen to people, share thoughts. Priyanka used to boost my self confidence and they gave me that reassurance in friendships and left me as a better person. When we left school after 2 yrs, we all vowed to write to each other and keep in touch--- all of us maintained that for nearly 5 yrs or so… and then in this rat race moved on our own paths… I was still in touch with Olga those days and Priyanka had kinda disappeared , we used to search the Net, college alumni groups, social networking sites etc etc….and jus around a year back met her on Facebook. She hasn’t changed much—we do still talk on philosophy, psychology, human behaviour etc etc though now the physical distance does play a small barrier. She is based in Delhi and me in Dubai.

Funnily I used to search the orkut or facebook for a pic of Priyanka resembling the 12th Std imageJ but voila!!
Today she looks amazingly different- long hair, no glasses, thin, petite , pretty, trendy clothing--- he he – she calls it the ugly duckling to swan transformation --- to me my friend was always a Swan ;)
Today on her birthday, I celebrate the wonderful person she is and remembering the way she touched my life. I wish her all the best in this world – success & prosperity in all the field of life- career, personal life, health, good friends etc etc and I dedicate this blog posting to her…

A movie review

Another weekend….. a successful day of cleaning, cleaning and only cleaning!! And yes – have a clean & shining house to myself.

Called up a few friends to say Hello…. Everyone is busy in their own lives – no complaints but its amazing how relationships change with time…… Recently happened to see a beautiful movie on the same – ‘Rithu’ by ShyamaPrasad. It’s a movie that talks about the friendship of 3 people and how it changes with time.

Sharath (Nishan) is a techie who dreams of a life beyond the syntax on his monitor. Aspiring to pen a book some day, he has all his hopes pinned on his childhood friends Varsha (Rima) and Sunny (Asif), as he returns home after a brief stint of three years in the US. The once inseparable trio joins hands together once again, but as their fingers gradually drift away, Sharath realizes that the times have changed, and so have seasons and hearts.
The film is a complete breakaway from the average ‘commercial’ Malayalam movie. The movie explores several untouched or taboo topics often shied away by Malayalam cinema – subtle sexual references, homosexuality, the modern Indian girl etc etc. However, the movie does not judge its characters based on these traits – they are just accepted to be a way of life or dismissed as ‘personal matter’.

The most striking aspect of this movie has to be the fact that every one of us can identify with the characters. Everyone is so un-filmy and very realistic. This is probably the most novel part of the film. The scenes in Rithu deserve special mention. All locations are simply so beautiful! Camera work is remarkable and is nothing like what we’ve seen

In the end, Rithu doesn’t discuss an issue. Neither does it make a point. It doesn’t tell us “This is good, while this is bad.” Hell, it doesn’t even have a fully complete ending, but it has a truly endearing core theme. And this theme has been brought out very well indeed. All the things shown are real, true to life and totally identifiable. A must-watch for all, especially youngsters. Try to catch a copy of the movie--- don’t think u will regret watching it…..


After seeing the movie, I thought, Gosh that definitely needs a review… the movie is so fresh—with new faces, and beautiful locales and the essence of the story being that People need to change with time….. those who don’t find themselves to be misfits here !!!

Guess I should be learning something from that !!

Happy New Year !!!

Yet another New year!! There was hardly anything exciting about this New Year, at least to me... I guess that's how it is when you have a silent New Year - a stark difference from others, who go into the New Year with a huge hue and cry, with New year eve bashes and parties.....But no complains.... the little that I get, I tend to find some kinda happiness in it......
A few Voip calls, some smses, loads of facebook & orkut greetings --- a typical Modern New Year.
Gone are those days of yesteryears wherein we used to invest on New Year & Xmas cards, shell away a budget to make those special calls , ensure that we celebrate a Family New Year or Xmas.
How I miss the actual greeting cards, rather than the link from e-card sites like www.123greetings.com or now an even lazier concept is to post a Note on the social networking sites like Facebook, Orkut or Twitter…. Where is that personal touch anymore? Do we console ourselves by saying “We are moving ahead with time and technology and the way of the world. “ ? Or is it that no one has the time for that personal touch now; who has the time to actually go over to a cards shop, select a card for each person you care and then go home, address it separately ( how many postal addresses do we know by the way ;) (Would they accept email ids?)), get postage stamps and drop it at the nearest postbox? Quite a hectic task, ain’t it?
There was a point of time when Amma used to complain at the amount I used to spend on greeting cards alone…I used to have a card for every occasion J - Hallmarks & Archies definitely made a lot of money from me J And today my expenses for the same is absolutely null.

And talking about calls – especially in this part of the world where I stay, the Telecom giant mints money from the expats in the name of connecting people across nations ;) So the only choice is to depend on the 101 Voip softwares that are available, many a time giving a strain to your parents’ ears in order to save some money.

Parties, get-together, New Year bashes, Dance parties -yup its fun… to be out with friends till late night --- get sloshed and hit the sack by 3am on a New Year’s Day ! But then, there was definitely a different joy when we used to spend it with our own parents…..

Am I sounding very critical --- do I sound against modernization -? Am I turning back into a primitive? Nope, didn’t mean to do so b’coz the changing technology has its wonderful side of the coin as well. In addition to saving costs of communication (being too materialistic), it definitely has helped a lot in networking. Especially the social networking sites gives you access and helps you wish all your acquaintances, friends, relatives spread across miles and it keeps you in touch and updated about all their status. Webcam & chatting are not new anymore to parents who have the children working or settled abroad, who can pamper their grandchildren too through usi9ng this wonderful technological development.

But in between all this I do miss the personal touch – a greeting card, a New Year gift, a long distance call wishing you a wonderful year ahead and a family get together…… I guess Im just being nostalgic of my good old times.....

THE ANNIVERSARY GIFT

Gowri had been disturbed the whole day. It had been a busy day at work – meetings, approvals, proposals, deadlines - it’s always like this before a weekend—makes you wonder sometimes whether people work only at the weekend!
Now back home early – surprisingly for a weekend – made excuses to some close pals that she was not keeping well and won’t be able to make it today …She wanted some time to herself… at least today .
Today is the 10th of Dec. 4 years have passed the day when her life changed forever --- nobody remembers or likes to remember the day anymore….but she can’t forget it , can she ? It s all so clear just like it happened yesterday— an eagerly awaited marriage, so many hopes and prayers, well-wishers, nasty relatives, close friends, apprehension of a new home and life, new relatives --- the only known factor was Anand. Gowri & Anand had been engaged for nearly 6 months before their marriage, so at least he was someone whom Gowri knew or rather she mistook she knew.
Everything went wrong between them from the beginning. Their lives revolved in the hectic and busy world of today where each day was a struggle by itself for survival. Initially it became just another marriage of convenience – no complains, demands, responsibilities etc. Then, Anand left his job one fine day. Things began to turn worse – single salary, double expenses, credit bills, rents, finances, loans (which are the normal adjectives to everyone in UAE) – everything went haywire and so also Gowri & Anand’s relationship. It became volatile – Anand became violent and started abusing Gowri. Gowri though always strong succumbed to this and became depressed and suicidal. It was Gowri’s decision to separate – she wanted to live peacefully. Both parents got involved and advised them to meet a Family Counselor, which Anand was totally against. They spent just 1 and half years together.
Today was her Anniversary. Gowri could never forget or forgive Anand for what he had done to her life. Gowri has been living alone for more than 2 years now. Their divorce is still at the courts since Anand denied paying her any money at all since Gowri had requested him to pay off the loans he had taken on her. The case has been dragging for more than 2 years now.
This evening, sitting by her window, looking out she could see the kids playing around and parents keeping a watchful eye lest they get hurt in their games….. This was what she was missing! A proper life – husband, wife, kids, etc… she was yearning for all this now…. she did enjoy her work, friends, etc—but then many a time she felt herself to be a misfit …she wanted a proper life too…. And what was stopping her? Anand—tat was the answer she came up with – and tried to hate him more.
Gowri’s mobile starts ringing singing the latest DoCoMo tune, it always brings a smile to her face as it reminds her of her best friend’s baby, who just loves the music and starts swaying to it..Yup, tats Anjali calling to check on her …
Gowri – Hi!
Anjali- Hey, Gowri what are u up to? Aren’t u coming? We are waiting for you.
Gowri mustered up a cough and said “I’m not keeping too well; think will sleep off early – not up to it…”
Anjali – Oh, C’mon, we will make some warm food for you in that case, and you can take rest here. Look, Ishan is saying hello to you”
Gowri could hear the sweet cooing and strange gargling sound he makes over the phone inviting her over .She could never resist him. But not today—today she wanted to be alone … to herself..
Anjali- Gowri, I don’t want you alone today. Just because we don’t say anything, doesn’t mean we don’t remember. I know what today means to you and I don’t want you to be brooding over it.
Gowri as usual came up with her tag line” You don’t understand- you don’t know how it feels like”
Anjali –“Yes, I know, only you will know and that’s why I am asking you to leave it. I’m not telling you to forget it or not hate him, but try forgiving him—or rather try loving yourself a bit more than the hatred you have. Think about it, live your life and love your life…tats all I have to say “
Gowri put the phone down but the words were ringing in her ears---was it true that she had so much hatred in her? Anand was not stopping her from anything—he was not a part of her life any more – they see each other once / twice a year at the court—then why?
Why did she fight this case—was it just for the money? No, it was just so that Anand would never ever treat another woman like her again. It would have made a difference if he had been sorry. The only thing that made a difference to Anand was money and nothing else mattered to him. Gowri also knew that Anand was planning to get married again and had found a girl for himself but since the case was not through, their marriage was being stalled.
Her family was fed up as well. They wanted to see her happy. Yes, it would be a bit of a struggle but then, she could manage to pay off the loans by herself—if she could do it for the past 3 years, she can manage for another 3 more years. Gowri thought about it again – would she be hurting anyone with her decision—No, she would be happy and make others happy as well.
Gowri picked up the phone and dialed Anand’s number.
The familiar Hello sounded from the other end… Gowri didn’t know what to say- for a moment her throat went dry and then she said “ Anand, Gowri here “. A silence at the other end too – then he was like “ I don’t have anything to talk to you – you made my life miserable, now you are dragging the case just to make things worse etc etc…”.
“Wait a sec, Anand “; Gowri interrupted “I called to tell you that I’m calling the case off.”
” You are what?” Anand couldn’t believe his ears.
“I said, I’m calling the case off – will sign off that I don’t need any money from you and will finish off the case- I don’t want to carry this case on any longer – just inform your lawyer to call my lawyer and make the necessary papers. I will tell him too. “
“Gowri, is there someone in your life, are you getting married?” only Anand has the cheek to ask such a question at such a time.
That spark was all that Gowri needed,” You just don’t get it, do you? You were the first and the only person in my life whom I gave in myself completely to , you were the first man I loved in my life , the first person I trusted myself with, the only person with whom I let my guard down and in spite of all this you HURT me!! Hurt and fear that kept me awake for more than a year even after I separated from you.
I helped you when you were struggling and last 3 years I have been struggling to pay off that help.
I could have held on to the case, coz I already have a court judgment in my favor, jus that law takes its own time – you may end up behind the bars, you may lose your job etc—all these I never wanted. I don’t want to deprive your parents of their son in their old age. I just wanted a peaceful life. I never wished to hate you, but ended up doing that.
I need to live my life and for that I need you away from my life forever. You took away everything from me – my happiness, my life and myself ….you took away my belief in love and goodness in people. I need to bring all that back and for that I need to forget and forgive you. Forget you so that I can once again start loving someone and forgive you so that I can once again believe in people and love.
Forget the money - consider this as a wedding gift from my end - to start new- to love someone more than yourself, to be there for someone. This is a chance given to you, not by me, but by destiny – to change, to mend ways. I have nothing more to say. “Gowri paused, the gush of words had just flowed out but the silence that ensued calmed her down.
“Gowri, I know I was wrong with you- the past 3 years, I did realize that in many ways- but guess our egos, these court matters etc got in the way – I was scared of how you would react if I called to tell you this….I know it’s too late between us to set things right—but do forgive me and try not to hate me.” Anand said this with a lot of conviction but Gowri had had enough of experience with Anand’s words – whether to believe his words or not – but this time, she didn’t care. She had not called him expecting this and judging Anand’s words no longer mattered to her.
“Good bye Anand! Take care of Uma. Wish you a great life together!”
Anand struggled for his meek thank you. And just before she kept the phone, Gowri said, “By the way, Happy Anniversary” and she kept the phone.
She was relieved, liberated….never once in these 4 years had she felt this way—as if a big burden had been removed from her…. She had her life now, she loved her life and she wanted to LIVE this life and not merely EXIST!!

Gowri picked up her phone and dialed Anjali’s number, “Hey, Anjali, where are you people jamming tonight?” After Anjali’s reply, Gowri says,” Not a problem, the party is on me tonight – I’m celebrating today! Catch you guys in 20 minutes” and kept the phone down.
Gowri grabbed her bag and car keys and said to herself –
“Yes- in Celebration of being alive!!”

Make the World a Better Place ??

Yet another long weekend :) UAE national Day !! The last week has been abudant with holidays and I can jus imagine what the period after this is gonna be at work !
Plans for the day ? Feel like taking a break away from everything & everybody :) Go off to an unknown place with unknown people --- heights of depression ? Nope --- just a bit of space in life :)
People are strange creatures --- God has made them so complex with a multitude of emotions and he calls them a higher species compared to others .... How simpler life would have been if i were a bird , a fish , an ant , a bear ?!@# Why a human ? I would fly high as a bird , changing locations once in a while, no strings attached..... A fish swimming in shoal of others - be it a lake, sea or ocean with no boundaries - An ant very typical to a human but stocks away for the future fully knowing the repercussions ... A bear who can hiberante off without any worries--- ha ha ha ... I know the otherside to it as well... but so simple are these lives....

Look at us --- each day --a struggle to survive and mind you just to survive not to LIVE ... the difference is huge...as Sir ER Braithwaite rightly said.... " Life is like a battlefield, u need to be a warrior to LIVE in it , not EXIST ! Existence is jus going thru life by dragging ur soul behind --- LIVE is to actually go thru your life savouring each moment "
Life is general has become so busy for people--- everyone is in that rat race ---- to reach somewhere-- a destination unseen / mis interpreted as success in life !!

Look around you-- all that we see are people trying to make big in this world.... be it thru hook or crook... there used to be a time when people believed that with hardwork and lil bit of luck, we could succeed in life ... but gone are those days-- today , the ground rules to success are cut throat competition, backstabbing/ backbiting, b###hing, cheating, following selfish interests alone and of course crushing over someone (inspite that it can be avoided)....
Is this the characteristics of the wonderful species that Almighty above created ???

Selfishness has become a way of life today ---- how often do we pause to think of others ; their feelings; emotions; or parents- their lives, how often do we try to adjust or accomodate others ???
Yes of course, we have a reason for the same -- I'm busy in my daily life, I have a family to think of , what am I ultimately getting from doing all this--why take the hassle ??? Yes, why bother ----didnt ur parents bother about bringing you up-- were they selfish at that time ???
Didnt ur parents or their peers struggle to make a living but with all that make lives for others as well? Do we go thru all that ?
Of course the world was a much better place that time--- why bcoz there were much better people that time..... the world is the same--- the only thing that has changed is the people in this world.... with degenerating values, time, space, and emotions.....

The SELF has become more prominent--- the root cause of all evils next to MONEY :)
Animals or other creatures though they dont try to make the world a better place, they dont destroy the same......What do we - as humans do to make this place a better world for a new generation???

I end on this note that lets make a conscious effort -- each of can make a difference to this world in our own small ways --- lets try to make this a better place since we owe it to the next generation for their LIFE ( and not EXISTENCE) !!